Barry Nardone - Winged Creature - Critique

About the clip:

in the first shot there's still that moment on x54 and on where both wings turn with the body for a few frames until around x70 and then stop. It would be good to separate their movement and not have them so in sync with the body either.
I would also keep the soldier's gun where it is around -x18 in terms of height. Right now after -18 it slowly drifts up to around x40. The new re-grip after that also feels a bit slow. I would take out that drift and speed up that re-grip.
There's also something odd about that head turn ending on around -x38. It speeds up and then stops pretty quickly yet there is a moving hold to it. The combination of all that feels a bit funky. Maybe it's also accentuated by the fact that the gun is moving a bit faster during the head turn as well. It's as if the head turns quickly and then there's overlap with the gun. I would first only tweak the head and work on that stop.
The blink after the head turn feels a bit mechanical and even.

2nd shot:
when the hand of the creature moves and the fingers move out to x151, don't have them go back. Right now they go from A to B, then back to A pose wise. It feels too even, plus the fingers go out when the head turns, then there's a pause and then the head turns again and the fingers go back. It feels all too in sync, so I would lose the second finger part. You can sell the first finger movement as the creature putting weight on that hand and the fingers flattening out because of that.

Last shot:
watch the base of the wings. For example the screen right one at x190. It goes down as the 2nd half of the wing goes up but then stops at x194, then moves drastically down at x197. Smooth out that transition a bit.
The lift off still feels a bit funky. It gets off the ground very quickly and it would be neat to get more separation in the body. As the wings go up, the body could go down and then when the wings flap down it can pull the chest up. I would also smooth out how the body transitions into hangtime. You have the body speed up and then come to a quick slow down around x202.
The creature grabbing the guy is better but after around x265 still doesn't feel threatening enough. There is something casual about the continuing flight path and creature movement.

Hope that helps!
JD

Barry Nardone - Winged Creature - Critique

Alrighty, here some more feedback.

Overall it's looking very cool, I don't have that much to add actually.

1st shot:
From x82 to -26 I feel like he's rotating the gun around through his wrist, which makes it feel a bit light. I would use the arm more than the wrist, like the way you have it towards the end of that shot.
Watch the screen right elbow, it drifts up yet there isn't that much movement in the gun nor the screen right wrist, which gives that arm a bit of an IK feel to it (only until x11 or so).
Right before the turn around x60 you could adjust the screen right fingers, kinda preparing for more of a grip since he's swinging around that big heavy weapon.
The first blink feels a tad fast. I know he's tense and alert, but there something off in that timing. It's a bit even in timing, with the down and up feeling very similar and the up could ease more into a stop.
Would be good to get more of an expression (mouth wise) in there for the next pass.

The creature looks good, my only comment would be to offset their rotation from the body with some drag and overlap from x57 to 71.

2nd shot:
The guy looks great. Only thing would be to tweak the timing of the 2nd swing screen right and maybe have him not go as far. It feels like the big swing at the end of the 1st shot is distance wise about the same as the 1st in this shot and the one back is about the same again. So overall a bit even, which could use a bit more contrast then. He could swing half way at the end, pause a bit, then continue the swing to the right.

The creature for the next could use some keep alive in that wrist, to feel the pressure as it shifts weight, with the palm compressing and fingers reacting to that. Not sure what's going on with the wrist at the beginning. It seems a bit stuck in space (except rotation) from x91 to around x103. Yet at the beginning is there a finger going through the ground geometry?

3rd shot:
The lift off feels a bit sharp, especially looking at the screen left front arm.
During the flap down to x202 it would be cool to have the wings fold all the way down (rotating at the base, not half way - if that makes sense). I think that would make it a bit more powerful. And as the wings flap down the body would go up a bit and react to that force. Right now the body just starts hovering up at x199.

I would wait with the camera pan until the creature breaks frame to the right a bit. Right now at x246 it feels like the camera operator is anticipating the action, instead of following it, by leaving enough room on the screen right side.

How it grabs the soldier could be a bit more complex and careful with the drag and overlap on the guy. From x246 to 247 the gun arm swings out over one frame. The body also gets just twisted by the creatures hand clockwise to x249, with no upper body and head drag.

The creature could feel a bit more threatening during the x264 and x300 section. It's mostly the legs that are just dangling which give me a more relaxed impression. Speaking of legs, the guy's legs are a bit stiff from x262 to 279 and from then on I would have them rotate down since the creature is flying up so that they drag more.

But again, cool sequence of shots, keep going!

Cheers
JD

Barry Nardone - Winged Creature - Feedback

Overall it's very cool! Good mix of slow action and anticipation, with a nice action packed finish!
My thoughts on the shots individually.

1st shot:
I would have just the guy in frame, so we think "What's he up to?". Then the creature rises from behind the rocks so that our eyes go over there and we are introduced to what the guy is looking for. You can make it a badass evil rise and reveal.

2nd shot:
Can you compose it so that the human is visually in 2D space higher, so that he has less space in front of him? That way subconsciously we don't give him much room to see and it gives it a more caged in feel.


3rd shot:
I would slow down the camera pan while the creature is grabbing the guy. It's overall too fast, but I would actually linger on that moment, so you can see the cool moment of how the claws grab the guy, how he looks surprised, etc. all the gory details.

Again, super sweet idea. Nice way of show casing a little story, build up suspense, camera movement and of course complex animation.

Cheers
JD

Barry Nardone - Sure - Feedback

​Hey hey,

It's actually interesting to watch it without sound so you can concentrate on the visual changes and contrast (you do hit the right moments lipsync wise during the pauses and the breathing).

I understand the tone of the clip and the emotional continuity, but when I watched it the first time without sound (soooo sleepy... moving slowly - you should see me type :) ), I felt like the overall facial expression is pretty much the same through out. Look at the very beginning and the very end. Head down, eyes off to the side, head tilted away a bit, and the middle part is just a softer version of it. I do like how the body changes direction in the middle, that works well.

Maybe she could be insecure and timid at the beginning (like you have it) but afterwards she turns she's a bit more concentrated, probing and serious? It would work with the sound and would be emotionally and visually a bit more contrasty. Something so that the very first and very last frame feel different (especially facially).

Hope that makes sense...

Cheers
JD

Barry Nardone - Creature Fight - Critique

Hey,

the clip looks great, it's really coming together!

One thing that will help you I think it to actually change the format to widescreen. Keep the framing for the top and bottom part, but expand on the left and right. It will free you for the 2nd shot so that the demon doesn't have to be so close to the creature.

The first shot works well. Just thinking out loud, It could also be cool for the demon to swing both his arms for the hit, a bit of a delay between each arm (it's a double whammer kinda like Indiana Jones does in his movies). I'm mentioning it because visually the demon is so much smaller than the huge crab thing and that one punch is feeling a bit small. It's not a deal breaker but if you have time and energy, it could be good to make that punch a bit more powerful.
The impact of the punch is good though on the crab, not too slow nor too fast. Are those two long antennas able to bend for some overlapping action or are they stiff?

The demon in the first shot looks good, minus the punching part, which could get beefed up, but I would tweak sections of the 2nd shot first (about that later) before that aspect of the first shot.

As I mentioned before, I think the wider framing will help you. Right now with both creatures hugging the frames it feels a bit claustrophobic and story telling wise I don't think it's needed to have that caged in feel.

The 2nd shot definitely needs a wider framing and that notion gets triggered by the demon yelling at the crab guy at the end. On the first yell the head is overlapping the crab a little bit and overall the leg pose stays pretty much the same after the last steps and he feels more like he's just standing there and yelling. I think the pose could be more dynamic, mostly in the lower body section. The arms and the head action work, but maybe the screen right leg could be further screen right or he yells at the guy and the takes a step or two, kinda like gorillas after a big fight. Not that he has to pound his chest but something like that.

One thing that stands out is the neck snapping of the crab guy. It happens over two frames and makes it feel very snappy (no pun intended). I would give it another frame and then a few frames of softening for the settle. It's a big creature and even though we are breaking the neck/head part, it should still retain some weight. The rest of the creature feels nice. If could make the head dangle a bit looser, that would be even better, like it's really broken and just barely holding together.

The demon in the 2nd shot has a very slow first step. You could get away with the foot rising that slowly but on the way down it should be faster for a more powerful plant, as if he's steadying himself for the last grab and attack.
When he snaps the crab's head I would have the hand/arm movements be more separate from the upper body/head. The arms can start the movement and then 2 frames later the head follows. Right now that rotation is happening all over the body at the same time (x156 and on). So instead of having everything stop at x158 (after slowing down the snap a bit it could end at x160 or 161) the head would continue for a few frames as overlap.

And then as mentioned the end yelling could be a bit more powerful stance wise.

You're really far along though and it's looking very sweet!

Cheers
JD

Barry Nardone - Creature Fight - Critique

Hey,

Looks much better! It's really cool!

I like the energy of the first shot but for some reason it feels a bit short now (did you change the length?). Maybe add a swipe or other arm gesture to the spikey guy for even more energy and cutting-on-action feel.
The second shot is really cool how he grabs the creature. But when twists and breaks the head part it feels really fast and poppy. Give that another two or even three frames one section can still be snappy but lead into the break can be softer and the head could be really soft and dangle once it's broken.

Having him yell at him at the end is cool but you could push the aggression. Instead of one foot on it he could at the end kick the head or push off the head. Having one leg up like that is almost too casual. He reminds me of Riker from Star Trek: TNT when he's on the bridge. :)

Barry Nardone - Creature Fight - Feedback

Definitely on the right track, especially the second shot. The first shot feels spatially a bit crammed. I think you could move the camera a bit further back, and separate the two so that there is a bigger gap between them.
I like how the bipedal guy sticks his spikes out, but the crab is kinda looking at the guy but not really, and then in the second shot he turns around to face the spikey guy.
It could be more interesting to have the first shot be in the middle of the fight. So imagine they were already fighting and either the spike guy or crab tried to kill the other one and we cut to your first shot where one of them is just finishing that attack or recovers from it. Right now the crab guy doesn't really do much at the beginning of the first shot. So it feels a bit like: "Aaaand action crab guy! Move!"
I would try to add something more dynamic in terms of relation ship. And you can go further with that in the 2nd shot. When the crab guy attacks, the spikey guy just walks backwards. What if they would interact more. Maybe the spike guy charges the crab at the same but then gets pushed back. He then recovers and takes a swing at him. Maybe when he gets pushed back, he's holding on to the two horns below the jaw of the crab.

What do you guys think?

Barry Nardone - 80% - Feedback

Hey hey,

Overall, the body attitude and posing fits the tone of the voice, which is great! Animation wise it feels a bit too spliney though. The transitions from pose to pose are too loose. Also, think of contrast, visually. How can you make this interesting without crazy poses and fast timing. Try to incorporate visual changes so that tone wise the shot doesn't feel stale.
For instance: what if the bench is more parallel towards us. She would still sit the same screen space (so off to the left, not in the middle of the shot). But she is looking screen left, head, eye and body wise, during the first section until "like... (pause)". Then she readjusts herself a bit like you have it, but turns the head to the right and the body a bit as well. So first she's looking to the left, lost in her own thoughts. Then, after the readjustment, she looks at the person she's talking to and probes him about the 80 or 90% and that's why she's making full eye and body contact, because it's more focused. You will have a visual contrast with the pose change and it will accentuate her focus. But keep the poses that you have with the shoulders up and head down.
Sound wise, make sure to include the little breathers in your animation, that's great material. For instance: the inhale around the x50 area and from x90 to around x120 (I wish quicktime could scrub through sound...). Those pauses are gold because you can incorporate your own little acting nuances without being too tied to the sound.

Hope that makes sense! :)

Cheers
JD

Game Reel - Barry Nardone

Barry Nardone - Demo Reel from Barry Nardone on Vimeo.