Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

Hey,

this looks super cool! You're pretty much done! I only have little picky technical things to talk about. You did a really good job with it!

As always, let's go shot by shot.

Shot1

Tiny:
- watch out for his screen left hand, holding the upper jaw, it slides sideways, x8 to 12, stays locked, then slides from x14 to 15, stays, then slides out to x19, stays, then on the pull/push down x32 to 33 the fingers go through the teeth again, x37 to 38 as well, and from x49 to 51 the jaw moves without the hand/fingers being locked to it. Picky picky, but when you watch it in real time you get a feeling of softness still, so it's important to lock that down to get that feeling of grip and power
- the screen right head is going through the jaw/teeth as well, from x10 to 13
- the head should rotate sideways (not in Y) from x12 to 14; you slowed that whole body/head sideways move down and it's much better, but it still has a little feeling of abruptness when the head stops going screen right, you're 98% there!
- Love the little head shake/tension and jaw pose around x23 during the pull

Raptor:
- the arms go up at the same time from x45 on, offset them and overall bring them in, so it's more like that:



and less like that:



unless it looks exactly like that:



Shot2
- awesome

Shot3

Tiny:
- bring the tongue up on x70, so that it matches the end of shot 2
- awesome how he makes a fist around x105 before he pulls the arm away, great detail!

Raptor:
- watch the arc of the head after it pulls away from the arm, after x113; the path is very linear and could be more fleshed out arc wise, like this:



- same not on the arms as before, just bring them globally in more
- delay the down movement of the arms at x88 and on; right now, if you go from x88 to 90, the body, head and arms all go down together; lead with the head, then body and the arms drag the most
- watch out for the screen right arm from x112 on until around 125; it's moving to the left, then right, then sticks, etc. the spacing is off and it feels to linear
- on the last attack, after x128, bring arms together as per previous note, but drag them more so that on x132 the screen right arm is not so far screen right but more in front of the raptor's chest
- screen left shoulder seems too high, it goes up with the body right at the end of the shot; keep it down, it would drag more

Shot4

Tiny:
- his right arm, after the swing, still feels to weak, around x158 and changes direction in a linear way from x158 to 159; smooth out that stop and bring out the arm screen right, like the green drawing; in order to give it a cleaner silhouette, just move the dead dino screen right:



Raptor:
- tail is better, but watch out for some spacing issues; tail is curved up on x141 and moving down to x143, but from x143 to 144 is going up, then to 145 it's going down again; it changes direction on x146, so on x147 the tip could be curved to the right more so there's more drag; there's some wiggling and popping after x155 to 158 and from x165 to 180, then on the rise, from x183 to 184 it's not moving screen right enough to finish the momentum of that swing, so keep going screen right and don't change direction like on x185; so overall, do another pass on the tail in that area to smooth out the kinks

Shot5

Tiny:
- screen right elbow pops from x212 to 213
- screen right arm moves screen right with the punch until x219, but then just stays there and drifts down, with the fingers intersecting the ground around x228; finish that swing momentum and bring the arm back a bit, so it's not so dead after the punch
- watch the spacing of the screen left arm (tracking the pinky line); it moves screen left from x191 on until 196, then just goes up visually and not left anymore, then a little bit to the left on x198 and after that there's much bigger spacing over one frame; smooth out that pause
- on the way up, the punching arm goes up and to the right, changes direction and pretty much goes down the same path; give it more of an arc at the top so that the path of action is not so linear:



- after that arc, the arm suddenly moves a lot from x216 to 217;



- it's slower than what you had before, but still a TINY bit fast; I would bring the arm a bit more screen left at x217, and more screen right on x219; as you can see in the above pic, the spacing of the arm is very close at the end, but you need to give that huge punching momentum some room, the arm needs to overshoot
- right now, the punching wrist stays in the same pose/rotation from x229 to 235, but given the above note that you need to overshoot more, you might not have time to go back that far with the arm within the same frame range

Raptor:
- speaking of momentum, the upper leg on x192 needs to be lower; the body is being slammed down and the legs follow, but the body can't go anyway because there's the ground, so the body momentum gets stopped; the legs right now stop at the same time, but their momentum can and has to continue
- on x219 I would rotate the head to the right more; if you track the spacing of the head, it goes screen right and then suddenly down:



- same goes after the head hits the ground from x193 to 200 and x222 to the end; it feels a bit wiggly; smooth out the spacing; big weight like that head won't move that fast in a linear way, it takes away from the weight

Picky things, but I think some important tweaks for this shot and principles to think about for future shots as well.

Cheers
JD

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

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Alrighty, it's looking better and better! Here my picky notes:

shot1:

last little things to look out for:

- dino horn is going through Tiny's chest

- Tiny's left foot is going through the dino

- Tiny's screen right rotation at x5 to 9 still feels too fast and needs more overlap on the head

- not sure if that's new or if didn't see that before, but dino's bottom screen right leg goes back and dies at x9; would be good to be a bit looser until around x19

- Raptor arms are still too stiff and too "parented" to the body

- Raptor tail is too stiff as it goes down; it feels like it's a wooden board attached to the Raptor body and following the same movement

Basically, with the tail, it's going to be a mix between pure overlap and follow through and just reacting to the body of the raptor, like your typical bouncing ball with a tail anim:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsKKGLRUqWw

and the tail being more active, where it whips around, being driven by the Raptor and the muscles:

Cameron's reel is a good example where the tail is a combination of both:

http://vimeo.com/2537742

shot2:

- Raptor arms too stiff, no anim on it

shot3:

- Raptor arms feel more alive, but make sure that when the body moves around quickly, that there is drag and overlap in the arms; they still feel too parented to the body

- Tiny's arm pull at x104 to 108 is a bit tricky, because the arm gets swung away and the Raptor head swings to the left; both happens at the same time and it feels as if the Raptor was pull to the left as well; but isn't Tiny freeing itself from the bite? I would keep the arm swing but the Raptor head could swing with the arm a bit before getting into the pose around x117; imagine you're holding on to someone and that someone pulls away while you hold on, you will get pulled in the direction as the person who's pulling

- Tiny's left arm gets into a pose around x99 and then kinda sticks there, especially the hand and finger pose until x105, then on x106 the hand disappears; it would be good to get a different hand and finger pose until the exit for more contrast and to take the stiffness away

- Raptor tail feels fine until around x110 where it could swing back screen left, going with the body motion

shot4:

- Tiny's right arm feels too passive around the x144 area, when it swings back; on that frame it could be more dynamic and forceful pose wise

- there's a quick left hand/arm move by Tiny from x150 to 152, which stops too quickly (looking at the wrist, it changes rotation quickly over two or three frames only and then stays pretty much put orientation wise; played in real time it's a bit too poppy and then locked); I think that transition could need one more pass and watch out for the fingers, they seem to go through the neck around x151

- the Raptor tail could be smooth out from the beginning to around x150 and slowed down a tiny bit, but keep the "out of control", overlappy feel to it; watch out for floor intersections; after x150, it could be more active and in control, reacting to the grab (again, check out Cameron's reel for reference)

- raptor head seems to pop screen right after x162 and start a linear rotation screen left after x167; smooth out those areas

shot5:

- this shot still feels the roughest out of whole bunch

- I'd watch out for pops and sudden stops, for instance:

- Tiny's left arm around the x195 area wiggles and pops around

- Tiny's right foot pops to x207 during the up move; that stop is super abrupt and needs more follow through with the up momentum

- Tiny's right arm pops back around x195 during the antic and stops too quickly

- Raptor's feet pop and lock (especially at the end)

- Raptor arms are too stiff

- Raptor tail move at the end could be wavier, more snake like and not just rotate overall up and then down; the base would go down first, while the end would continue the up move and overlap and come down later

Almost there, just some last mile polish areas to fix!

Cheers

JD

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

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​That looks awesome! Nice work!

Let me go shot by shot:

shot1

dino:
- could have tongue in the middle (between the upper and lower jaw
around x26 when Tiny pulls it open)
- tongue stops a bit quickly at x36, it could be a bit looser after that
- not sure what the controls look like, but it would be cool if there
were any toe curls; for instance, at x26, the top leg/foot is completely
flat on that frame and it would be cool to have the toes curled down for
a nice shape

Tiny:

- watch out for isolated body movement, like his upper body from x5 to 9; it starts and stops abruptly, doesn't affect the hips too much, head is locked in with the body, etc.

- hands look a lot better, but the screen right one seems a bit wiggly from x8 to 23; I would tighten that part a bit more and watch out that the jaw doesn't move underneath the hand, like from x19 to 22 (it will kill the feeling of a tight grip)

- the head could have a bit more overlap after x34 to 42; when he slams the dino down, the body moves down and then sideways (screen right), but the head feels a bit too locked in with the body her as well

Raptor:

- I would reduce the amount of up movement at the end; it goes up over two frames only and in the next shot the head just goes screen right in a horizontal way; reduce the up by at at least 50% and have the head a bit lower in the 2nd shot, so that it can travel up a bit, bridging the movement more over the cut

shot2

- the raptor's arms are too locked, twinned and not moving at all :)

- right after the raptor bites the shoulder of Tiny goes up and it's too early, there's only one frame of contact point, so it's like Tiny reacts before the pain and surprise can really hit him; I would make it more about the bite and then about the reaction; right now they both happen at the same time, give them each a beat

- I would make bite points more solid; for instance: on x59 the lower jaw is on the biceps, one frame later on the elbow, then on biceps again, but then jaw opens, then stays locked again; so all in all too wiggley visually

- the head just goes up and down in one axis, it could have sideways motions as well so it's a bit more complex and contrasty

shot3

- Tiny should be more in pain and angry around x81, during that whole moving-screen-left section he feels almost bored; needs more intensity

- same thing for his right hand, too casual, and same for his whole left arm; just everything feels too casual and needs to get pushed towards a feeling of pain and rage

- raptor's arms are too stiff and not offset, the tail has pops and could be more active as well

shot4

- raptor arms too stiff

- silhouette of legs could be clearer after x136

- left raptor leg pops up at x130 to 131

- right foot is too frozen after x132

- raptor head stops screen left momentum too quickly after x131 and changes direction and stops quickly all through into x137; watch out for your spacing and arc

- raptor body reacts at x140 (or anticipates?) Tiny's grab at x142; I would keep the raptor dazed until Tiny grabs him

- raptor head pops at x158 and on the way up I would close the jaw, it's too locked right now

- Tiny's right arm goes back and stops abruptly at x139; the wrist on that arm also stays locked in the same rotation

- his right hand/arm intersects the raptor at x157

- Tiny's left hand goes through the raptor neck at x143 and on the way down to x158 is way too wiggley and not holding the raptor's head firmly enough

- watch out for the arc of Tiny's head; it feels a bit locked to the body and therefore inherits a lot of the quick direction changes; for instance the head moves screen right up to x160 and then straight up, so watch your spacing and arcs for the head

- Tiny's right foot after x136 has the shin low, then it moves up as the leg gets stretched out at x141, but the foot and ankle feel locked and it should react to the leg getting stretched (add a little foot roll?)

shot5

- Tiny's punch at the end is a bit fast; the forward move could be a bit slower, which will slow down the chest as well; the head is too locked to the body during the punch

- the raptor legs feel a bit stiff, same with raptor arms, the head feels too fast and wiggley

- this shot feels the roughest, but the idea is there, just slow it down so it matches the feel and style of the previous shots

Sorry it took so long! Usually I critique one shot, so 5 take a bit longer. :)

Cheers

JD

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - camera adjustment

Here's the previous camera, where I thought that some of the cuts weren't clear enough. When framing back and forth between the cut points, it looked like some of the shots were too similar.

So here's my take on the camera, which has small tweaks, but I was trying to make the cuts more clear by giving the shots a different focus.

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

Hey,

That's working better and the anim is coming along nicely, but the cut between shot 2 and 3 is still weird. You're going to have to find a different angle to show the action in shot 3.
The last shot's camera is also weird, I would not have any movement on it for now. You can still put something in later, but right now, that camera has a weird back and forth. Personally, I would have the camera the way you have it on x155 until x164, then delete all the camera keys except the last one on x194. That way the camera goes down until 164 and follows the action, and after that slows down and goes wider until 194.
Anim wise you're doing doing really great. The only thing that stood out are the raptor's arms, which don't seem to have any anim on them yet.

Picky stuff:

shot1:
- Tiny's hands could be a bit more locked to the jaw and the fingers need to have a more tense pose, they don't look like he's struggling and really pulling on that jaw/head.
- Tiny's screen left ankle/foot looks too locked, it needs a bit more reactionary movement as the body shifts around
- Tiny's mouth could close around x19 because of the muscle tension, then open the mouth after x25 so that there's a roar/yell during the head slam.
- the brown creature's screen left leg moves to the left in a very IK way and then just stops and sticks.
- the creature's back left leg goes up to x17 and then stops too quickly.
- the tail needs to be a bit more complex and wavy. Right now it's just going up and down as one big block.
- after the head slam the limbs on the creature just stop moving; that head slam should ripple back through the body so that the legs still wiggle and move after the head slam

shot3:
- Tiny's left arm feels too dead, it's just hanging there
- is the raptor head sliding from x72 to 76 or is that a re-grab/re-bite?
- raptor head pops from x90 to 91 into a new direction; stops too quickly on x94, pops screen left on x96; stops too quickly on x97
- Tiny's right arm moves too fast on x107 to 109, feels like a pop, then it just stop on x110

shot4:
- raptor right foot step on x135 and on feels too much like a slide
- raptor head goes down and stops too quickly on x135
- when the raptor gets lifted up, the tail could hang more loose, say on x153 it wouldn't be curled up to the right but hanging more down (it's also going through the ground at the beginning)
- Tiny's feet are too lose, they rotate around too much during that shot; I would buy it if the screen left foot is not rotating ever, since it's the one with a lot of weight on it; the screen right one would have to take more of a step at the end of the shot as opposed to the rotation and slide that you have right now

shot5:
- his punch needs one or two more frames of inbetweens, it's too fast
- Tiny's right foot plant should happen right after the punch and not at the same time, otherwise it feels too in sync and twinned

YEAH!!

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

Alright, so here more detailed feedback:

- first, I would color each character with a simple color, but make each one of them very separate, so that you can tell them apart easier

shot1:
- the camera goes already down after around x16, as if it knew that the dino will get smashed down to the ground. I'd keep it up so that you frame Tiny's head and the dino jaw. Have the camera always a little bit late compared to the action
- Tiny's slam down happens a bit pose to pose and it feels more like the body rotates down first, then elbows and then the jaw gets opened. I think that action could be a bit clearer. You could break the jaw first and then slam the head down, so it doesn't happen all together.
- the dino is only 4 frames in the shot until we cut to the next shot. I would have it a bit longer, so that we clearly understand from where he comes from. Give the audience enough time to register each beat. So at least double the time of the dino in frame. Have it come in, pause, and then attack Tiny. If you need more than 8 frames, that's okay. It can all still happen fast, just right now it's a bit too fast.

shot2 and 3 are very similar angle wise, so the cut from shot2 to shot3. Step frame back and forth between the cut and you'll see how similar they are. You could have shot2 a bit more behind Tiny and the dino and less profile, and in shot3 you have the camera more towards Tiny, so that it starts visually kinda like around x72.

There's an odd moment in shot3 around x80 where it all kinda slows down. What's the story point there? Is that suddenly slow-motion?

And when Tiny moves his arm back to around x105 it also feels slow. It could work in terms of Indy slowly gaining strength again and preparing for the slap, but then I would have the Dino really active in the head during that time, trying to bite through Tiny's arm.

The slap could be clearer silhouette wise around x116. I would move them apart more so that they are not overlapping like on x117 and 125, etc.
Tiny's grab around x125 is way too fast and it looks as if the dino is moving down the head first. Make sure that after the slap you give it enough time for both creatures to finish their momentum and that Tiny will engage first and pull the dino's head down and that the dino will react to that move (they won't move at the same time).

The lift up, slam and push after that is great, I just wish you could have the dino not in front of Tiny at x171, 172 and 173, so that there's a clear silhouette. Maybe the camera slowly rotates around to the left, so that Tiny is more screen left and the dino is more screen right at x173. Speaking of camera, it feels weird how the camera pulls back and then stops at x80. Way too linear. Approach the camera like your animation, it has to work physics wise as if it was operated.

Hope that makes sense!
JD