Meghana Gupte - Plane - Critique

Hey,

this works a lot better, nicely done!

The instructor stopping the kid moment works well, it's all clear and you lead the audience the correct way, nicely done!

The ending jump/throw is a good question, hahaha! Technically, at x307, that C curve should go the other way, but I know what you mean... hmmm... Imagine you're inside the plane, holding a flower in the middle of the stem. You extend your arm through the door into the open. What would happen to the flower? It would get get bent (top and bottom) screen right (assuming that in your shot the plane flies right to left). So maybe approach it that way. He gets thrown out and whatever is outside of the plane gets blown to the right?

In your shot his whole body goes forward at the same time. So if he pushes him, maybe the chest and head go first, with the hips dragging and the feet dragging even more, so that all those separate sections get blown screen right one after the other. You can send me the file and I can block something out to make it clearer.

My biggest concern are two poses though.

One is at x105. The hands together like that with the black gloves, we loose the hands and silhouette wise it's not so clear. Same thing with the pose at x241 with the hands back. on that one, squint. It looks like he has amputated arms. So that whole idea is not going to work from that angle.

The breaking up of the actions of the idea around x48 works better, but something is still bugging me, sorry!! Maybe it's how exaggerated the action is for such a small jump? Like on x48 the legs are fully stretched out, then when he compresses, at x52 his hips are pointing screen left, his right foot as well, but his right knee is pointing towards us, but then the whole left leg and foot is pointing way screen right? Something is just odd about this whole move. Sorry for being so vague, I wish I could pin point it better. Id' be okay with him going frmo x39 straight to x70 and then 77, cutting out that whole jump.

Maybe that's what it is. Contrast wise you would go from him standing at the edge, crouched over, then getting straighter, adjusting his belt, moving back, gesturing and then going for the jump! So there's a gradual build up in his movements and THEN he gets cut off by the instructor. That has a nicer feel than going from him being at the door and suddenly doing a jump!

Open your clip in quicktime and cut out frames 41 to 68 and you get the idea.

Try that and let me know what you think!

Meghana Gupte - Plane - Critique

Hey,

alrighty, let's get straight to your questions:

1) Right now it all looks stationary......so to give it a feel that they are in a plane.....would just a camera move be fine or I need to show some movement for both the characters......i tried giving the instructor some of it but I think he looks like he is in a bus/train..?.

1) A combination of multiple things could be cool. Think "The Incredibles" when the mother is on jet plane with her two kids. You could have a couple bumps (like air pockets) but it might add too much complexity. I would parent the guys to the plane and have the plane roll side to side (gently, randomly) and add some tiny up and down. That should be enough.

2) The jump towards the end..........right now i am still working on it but ..is it ok if he comes close towards camera as he is falling down?..or what i thought was maybe he could intially come towards camera and then move screen right due to air resistance?....I wasnt very sure how exactly might be his fall...

2) I wouldn't have him come directly to camera because there is not much perspective in that and makes the move flat. I would have him go towards us but also one body width screen right. And yes, he should only come out until his body is completely off the plane and then he should swoosh out screen right super quickly. Make it cartoony, push the timing, he should off screen in 5 frames or so and you can can totally exaggerate the stretch. Think Road Runner. :)

Other than that, there are some funky things going on, let's go one by one.

First, it's a lot better and I like the implementation of the light and how the teacher goes about it and throws him out.

What I think needs a bit of tweaking is:

Red guy:

- on x78, his screen left shoulder looks like it's dislocated. The grey ball should be where the white patch starts, but now you have the white rings and then the red area where the shoulder is. This gives it a really weird silhouette

- at first I didn't know what the red guy was doing at x102 and on. I'm assuming now he's holding on to the chute like a back pack, where the straps are? At first I thought it was a weird boxing type of thing he was doing, to pump himself up. :)

- the jump around x48 is also a bit off, but maybe that's because of his shoulders. Maybe it's also because he lands and does the arm gesture at the same time. Clearer separation of beats might work better.

- when the instructor holds his arm out is good, but I would tweak it this way: instructor arm goes out - pause - red guy looks screen left at the instructor - audience's eye follows - we look at instructor face - he looks at the kid - then looks up at the light - audience sees the red light - everything makes sense - kid does what you have now which is a big move so that the audience looks back at him. That way all the story beats are clear and you direct the audience around, making sure that nothing is confusing. You can fit all of those beats within the timing you have now and keep the red guy's reaction at x212. If that doesn't make sense, just send me your file and I can mock something up to make it clearer.

- the throw out could happen a few frames earlier. I think the current pause is a bit long, but that should be an easy thing to fix and tweak down the line.

Hope that helps!
Cheers
JD