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Friday, March 1, 2013
Ji-Hong Kim - Bee - Critique
here my thoughts:
First shot:
- you're not quite framing the way I suggested it, which leads the staging to a weird focus to the middle of the gray background. You'd have to pan the camera to the right and tilt up a bit, so that we are clearly following the bee (maybe you have to extend the shot a bit so that you have two clear beats of showing the environment and the conductor and then the bee enters and we are following it):
2nd shot:
- the feet feel very simple and more in layout stage from x47 to 79. They can change poses during the flight and then adjust to get ready for the landing.
- the landing feels too simple; I know bees are light and there wouldn't be a crazy compression, but some leg adjustments and tiny steps will help; it will also help to get out of that default shape where right now on x79 all legs are evenly spaced
3rd shot:
- good
4th shot:
- given that we just zoomed in, you'd think that the bee is reacting immediately to the discovery of the flower: that's what the zoom in does; right now you're emphasizing the flower but cut to a bee that is still looking around and then suddenly seeing something. You can rearrange the shots though to make it clearer.
So the top clip is the original and I just took the flower close-up and inserted it into the bee close-up, between the looking-around and realizing-what's-there moment.
- bee face wise, the mouth shape, wings and head feelers are a bit even and they could be more asymmetrical, don't mirror the poses:
5th shot:
- it's overall pretty great, the only tweak would be when it gets up until around x324. The orientation of the bee body is always the same. There is a sideways tilt at the end, but given the perspective and axis, we can barely tell. You could rotate it clockwise so that the head and chest go up a bit more:
Hope this helps!
Cheers
JD
Friday, October 5, 2012
Ji-Hong Kim - Bee - Critique
Hey,
here my thoughts on the three shots:
- on the first one, it's like the previous ones, you have make sure that his stick waving arm follows nice arcs, otherwise it looks too rough and stiff:
- same goes for the other arm. Also, watch out that your keys are not linear. His left arm moves up quite a bit from x977 to 978
- looking at his body, if you focus on his bow tie as well as his shoulders, there's a poppy move up from x1005 to 1006 and then it goes straight to the right to x1007 and stops. I would soften that direction change a bit and add a frame or two of ease in for the body. I understand that you want him to suddenly react, but right now it's on the poppy side. A frame or two will help soften that just enough without making it too soft:
- at x1024, his right arm stops very abruptly, so same here, ease into that stop more (and watch out for your arcs):
- for the 2nd shot, it looks like the bee is on a flat card and just moves up; I'd give it more perspective and have it rotate in. It doesn't have to a spiral like in my drawing, but at least a bit of a turn:
- and I wonder if you want to make the bee freak out a frame or two before the hand closes in so we can barely see it. :)
- after x1072 the animation is dead, I would still move the hands/arms a bit more; the hands could go up as much as a finger width. If that's too much you can always lessen it, but for now I'd push it
- for the last shot it's a combination of the previous notes; watch out that the arms move on an arc and not on such a linear path; the bee just slides down, it could rotate a bit to give it more dimension; make sure you soften the start and stop of his arm movements for more ease in and out, otherwise it looks too blocky; and offset the timing of when the arms move, so one is delayed a bit for less of a pose to pose look:
- and lastly, move out the SR arm so that the thumb doesn't form a tangent with the shoulder and it will help the silhouette as well as minimizing the twinned/mirrored pose of his arms
Hope that helps!
JD
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Ji-Hong Kim - Bee - Critique
Hey,
pretty much done, nice work!! I only have three things:
- at the very end, he exhales once, then breathes in until x2097, but after that he's still, with a tiny drift going up. Is he holding his breath? I don't mind continuous breathing, it just should not look like a cycle. So when you have this:
Inhale being pose A, exhale being pose B, you don't want to go up and down and up and down and just alternate between A and B. It should go from A to B, back up to C (a slightly different pose), then down to D (different again), and so on, for variety and contrast and to get rid of that cycle feeling.
Speaing of pose, I would have his left arm elbow lower, so a cleaner silhouette:
More like something you have on x2160. I think you had the elbow problem in the last version already and I should have caught that, sorry!
I also should have caught the third thing: the bee
- right now the bee goes up and kinda stops around x2028, as if it's waiting for the guy to grab it; it looks like the bee is getting caught on purpose. I would have her still go up fairly fast when he grabs her.
You could ask the question why is the bee not continuing to flee SR? Why is it stopping and going up? I think you could make it work if the bee coming in would feel a lot more tired and it's just not fast enough anymore. What do you think?
Actually one more thing but it's more of a shape thing:
It looks like he swallowed a thousand bees! :)
Not sure if that's fixable, it just makes for a funky silhouette. I wouldn't really expect a fat throat on a skinny guy. :)
Almost there though!!
Cheers
JD
Friday, September 7, 2012
Ji-Hong Kim - Bee - Critique
Hey,
looking good! My only thoughts would be:
- after x1904, he moves suddenly super fast to the right. I'd add a few more inbetweens so it's not so super zippy
- watch out for the foot pose from x1945 to 1948. The foot is rotated at the same angle throughout, so it feels stuck in that pose
- on the plant, I'd move the foot a bit more forward
So on x1948, move the foot a bit more screen left, based on how the foot would fall on x1947 (above pic)
- The pose on the foot on x1950 could have more of a foot roll in it, so it doesn't feel so stiff:
- and one frame later, it feels like the legs go a bit too far over one frame, which gives it a poppy feel:
- even though you have a moving hold after x2004, I feel you can add one more distinct move on x2005 that transitions into the hold; right now he comes to a fairly abrupt stop
- the grab after that I would delay to around x2031ish, so that it's more in sync with the music; same with the last pose around x2064; right now they both feel too early
- I'm assuming it's breathing around x2085, but he moves down a bit too quickly, it doesn't feel like heavy breathing or even a forceful exhale, it starts too quickly
Almost there!
JD
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Ji-Hong Kim - Bee - Critique
Let's get to the shot!
- on x830 to 831 both arms move down at the same time; don't forget to always offset them so that nothing moves in sync, even if the offset is only a frame or two
- ok, this one is not picky; watch out that you have arcs in his arm movements:
- I would put the bee a bit more screen left so that it's not overlapping with the stick:
- here we have the arc issue again:
- the elbow pops out from x901 to 902:
- from x905 to 906 and on, the whole body moves at the same time, and stops pretty much at the same time on x909; the main move should originate in the root, dip down for the anticipation (which you have), but then be the main driver and have the arms drag more; so delay their movements and keep those arcs going, both on the root (I'm tracking the his bowtie) and his arms:
As a whole, the shot looks good, you just have to make sure to get those arcs in (seems to be the main thread of this critique). But I've mentioned the arc issue on previous shots as well, so for future shots, I'd really make sure that you go through a list of things that each shot has to have (correct spacing, no pops; arcs; clean silhouette; etc.)
Hope this helps!
JD
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Ji-Hong Kim - Wife - Critique
Pretty much done, but there are still some same areas that need pushing, don't be too timid! :)
Shot1:
- the end seems different (sorry if not), but the glass going up at the end stops a bit too fast at x57, so don't flatten the Y up curve too fast, you can do a looser moving hold. When I first watched it, it felt like the hand pretty much stopped moving right before the cut
Shot2:
- again, sorry if I didn't see that before, it's just standing out now: her screen right elbow, track it as it goes down and you'll see how from x24 to 25 it almost stops and from x25 to 26 it goes up a little bit; so just like the glass holding hand in shot 1, ease more into that, don't stop that downward move (visually of the elbow) so quickly
Shot3:
- picky detail: after the captain elbows the guy and the arm goes back, you start the wrist rotation about x83 and end it around 87. I would have it start around 86, so it's more of a wrist adjustment after his arm is on the counter. Otherwise it feels like you're going from pose A to B and then back to A. You want it to be more like A to B to C. Andy you could relax the fingers at the end a bit more, for the same reasons, so it doesn't feel like you're going back to the same pose
- the "hahaha" of the left guy could be exaggerated 20% more and the "maa-a-an" 40% (rought numbers). It's getting there, but push it, you want to really see and feel how those two moments come out of his chest and head
That's it! Almost there!! Picky to the very end!!!! :)
But I have to say, nice fixes on all the other stuff, you're really rounding this clip out to be a great piece!! Nice work!
JD
Monday, July 11, 2011
Ji-Hong Kim - Wife - Critique
Alright, looking better and better! Minor notes:
Shot1:
- the arc of the hand/arm when he grabs the glass is much better; there's still something off with the timing at the beginning, you're super close though. This could help you. He grabs the glass on x13 and on x14 he's already lifting it. I think one frame of contact might give it not enough weight and tactile response to him holding and grabbing something. I would add two more frames like x13, where he's just grabbing the lower part of the glass. So on x14 and 15, tighten the fingers a tiny bit but don't lift the glass yet.
- then, when he lifts the glass, at around x21 (now - if you add two frames it would be x23), rotate the glass a tiny bit counter clock wise. Right now the glass is super vertical, from the ground, to the moment where he grabs it and during the lift. Having something that super clean vertical during all that moment makes it look too perfect, too CG. I think by adding a little sideways rotation, gives it a little imperfection that you need during that part.
- I would stretch out the elbow rotation down so it ends later; now it starts around x35 and ends around x44, which gives it that IK feeling still, when elbows move quickly while not influencing the wrist that much; I would end it around x53
- the end frame is good, because you're tilting the glass clockwise, towards his "wife", so it's not so vertical anymore
- watch out, in my clip it jumps from x59 to 61 with a pose change po
Shot2:
- being super picky here, but the girls screen right hand/arm feels IK from x14 to 20, because her body is moving, the elbow is moving, but the wrist orientation and translation stays the same, which makes it feel sticky and IK
Shot3:
- the captain's hand during the elbowing still looks separate from the action. You need to change the finger pose as well. The arm starts to move screen right from x75 to 76. So you could squeeze that fist a little bit from x73 to 76; then on x81, the wrist rotation should be more counter clockwise, towards him - right now you have the arm go towards the chest from x79 to 81 while the wrist orientation is locked, which makes it look IK again. The spacing of the wrist going screen left also stops at x79 to 80 (because he hits the rips of the guy), so by rotating the wrist towards him it will help sell the tension, then there's some overlap that also helps the sudden stop; then when the hand goes back, the fingers could be a bit more relaxed around x89 (the finger pose stays the same throughout that whole section)
- I wouldn't drag the glass hand as much from x75 to 79 and counter as much until x85; that section feels a bit IK since the body is moving so much yet the hand stays pretty much in place (giving it that sticky IK feel)
- the left guy still needs to have the first "hahaha" and "ma-a-an" exaggerated so that it really feels like those sounds are coming out of his chest
- this I should have mentioned earlier, sorry, I never noticed before... but looking at x187, the tip of the bottle ends up right where the shoulder is, so if you do the squint test, the bottle disappears in front of his upper arm. If you could either rotate the wrist overall or move the the hand screen left, so that the tip of the bottle is silhouetted, that would help. Sorry!!
The rest looks great!
Being picky because it's such an awesome sequence!! Keep going, you're almost there!
JD
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Ji-Hong Kim - Wife - Critique
Let's look at the "wife" clip!
It's overall already very cool, I just have little notes here and there.
1st shot
Right guy with glass:
- the arm that holds and lifts the glass feels a bit IK-ish. The first move up is a bit linear and even in terms of timing and the arc. I would slow it down at the beginning and ramp up and give it more of an under arc (like a reverse C); it also stops too quickly in Y around x28, as you move it up, I would soften that stop; same thing at the very end around x46; another IK sign is around x35 to x41. The elbow goes down while the rotation of the wrist is not affected at all. Sure he wants to keep the glass level, but whenever the wrist is locked in its rotation, while the arm and body move around, it's going to feel like an IK arm
- to me the head tilt around x42 is a bit fast, you could soften that beginning a bit as well
Left guy feels fine
2nd shot
The girl:
- the first couple frames have no animation on her and then she kinda pops into the movement. Have some keep alive at the beginning and smooth out that transition. I would also add a little bit more of a moving hold on the arm that holds the glass, and the screen right hand that waves, add some movement to the arm as she waves; right now that wrist feels very separate and isolated in its movement
The guy is fine
3rd shot
Right guy:
- the body, arm and head all move at the same time from x75 to 76; offset those actions a bit; ease out of that a bit more as well; if you look at the spacing of the head as it tilt screen left it feels like a linear key
- track the tip of the nose from x87 to 94; the move is pretty linear, there's not much of an arc to it and it stops a bit quickly too; you can soften that by properly finishing the arc with a little overshoot of ease in
- the glass holding arm will need that IK fix as well of; it will help to reduce elbow movement
- on the elbow check he gives to his friend, you start it at x75 with an anticipation, but watch out how linear the arcs are, it looks like another IK arm. I would also adjust the finger poses. They could relax a bit during the antic and get into more of a fist during the jab and then adjust again once he puts his hand on the counter
- the jab contact seems to be on x79/80, but the reaction of the guy happens only around x84. It's okay for him MENTALLY to react delayed, but PHYSICALLY you will have to show how the elbow moves the body of the guy right when it hits
- I think you could have a little eye brow accent on "Tom" and a bit more of a O mouth shape. Right now the upper lip feels a bit stuck in the same pose; I would also lower the brows a bit more during the shoulder grab; not into something angry, but just a bit more of a pose change, so that they can go up around x250 where he looks at him and starts laughing
- when his friend grabs him on the shoulder, I would close his glass holding fingers a bit more; right now it's more like secondary reaction but by closing them a bit more so it looks like he's making sure that he's holding his glass safely, it will look more like a voluntary action
- this one is purely subjective and maybe you can just try it out quickly to see the difference, but when he says "wife" you could have the hand that holds the glass go up a bit faster, adding a bit more emphasis to "wife"; I like what you have with his eyes, so maybe the glass is too much, but you never know
- when the friend takes his hand off his shoulder after x280 you have to show how that weight/pressure change of letting that shoulder go affects the shoulder and upper body
Left guy:
- I love how he goes for the bottle after he wakes up! :)
- the main thing would be to really solidify and strengthen the contact between his hand and the other guy's shoulder from x224 to x280; the hand is swimming around at the moment
- the other big thing to me is the lip sync and how there is so much detail in the audio and how it's not really showing on the guy; for instance: after x199 you close the mouth but in the audio you can still here the oooh-ohhh; the "haha" feels a bit late; the "maaaaan" and "hahaha" after that feel too simplified as well. That "maaaaan" could also have a bit more facially with a bit more of change throughout, where at the beginning the expression is a bit wider and stronger and fading out towards the end of the "maaaaaan"
- super picky note: the bottle holding wrist sticks in the air from x241 to 242 and then starts a rotation to 243, which looks like it's from a linear key; you could ease out of that more
4th shot:
- my only comments would be the silhouette around the legs and the overall balance. If you squint it looks like they only have three legs combined; I think you could separate them out a bit more, where her pose is a bit stronger than his, since she's in control and he's surprised; on her, it looks like her screen left foot is barely on the ground, but the weight feels a bit too far back where that foot would need a bit more contact with the ground for support. I would move her (and his) root a bit more screen right and curve her more to the right for a stronger C shape, so that she's really leaning into him
5th shot:
Right guy:
- the right guy is pretty good, I would just tweak the screen right arm and move it out a bit more, so that the glass edge and his thumb are not so lined up with his upper arm forming a tangent; it will give you a clearer silhouette by moving the arm to the right a bit
Left guy:
- his beer bottle hand feels a bit slow and IK-ish during the x325 to 343 area. From x325 to 327 the elbow moves but the wrist sticks in space, then the hand goes up but from x330 to around 334 the elbow goes down while the orientation of the wrist stays the same, having that locked IK-wrist feeling again; the overall timing of that up movement of the hand feels slow and even; from x356 to around 361 the move feels to flat, there's not enough of an arc in it
- the rest works and I love his expression during " what she say?" part
Nice work!!
Cheers
JD