Elena Dae - Wolf - Video Critique

Watch the video review here.

Elena Dae - Jump and Cats - Critique

Alrighty,

let's look at the ballet clip first:

- you are pretty much done, there are only two things I'd tweak, and that's only because I'm picky. If you want to move on, you can, it looks great!!
1. I would bring the SR hand up earlier, at x72 (just like you have it at x74)

2. The SR hand flips down over two/three frames to x62 but then stops and it feels like that rotation down is very fast and stops very quickly; I would slow that down a bit more and ease into that stop a bit more:

That's it!! You did a really good job polishing this shot!

Now the cat shot:

shot1
- the grip around his neck is great, that feels very solid; x32 to 39 could be even tighter, if I'd be super picky (there seems to be a translate in the wrist from right to left and then up), but again, just being super picky
- It's pretty ouch out of frame, but just in case, make sure that her wrist is around his neck at x15
- I'd add a frame or two of cushioning on your pull up; meaning, if you track his right shoulder as he goes up, it goes up until x25 and then immediately down on x26 (you can also look at one of his strips for spacing)

- on x27, her left arm going SR hits a wall, settle that stop a bit smoother with some overshoot; right now it's too abrupt and makes it look stiff

and there's a little drift after that where the wrist and fingers slowly drift up; tighten that a bit more as well

shot2
- a lot better, I would do one more pass on spacing wise in his arms during the walk back; they feel a bit poppy throughout still, and that's because of one frame direction changes, for instances the SR arm on x79 goes up, then down on x80 while the body goes down as well; it's moving all as one piece instead of keeping the arm going up a tiny bit on 80 then a tiny bit down on 81 and then a bigger spacing change down; the same idea as in shot one when he gets pulled up and how he goes down over one frame

- same thing for the stumble and drop, he's really popping from x141 to 142

- watch out for the SL arm on x158; it looks like you're stretching the arms and then on x158 it pops into a bent pose

shot3
- her tail moving to the left at x238 looks like a linear key; it's moving very suddenly and very quickly, I'd slow that down a bit, at least ease out of that pose more

- I would separate the SR hand from the head for silhouette around x243

- from x255 on, when she moves forward, it would be great to drag her arms a tiny bit; it feels like everything is moving together, body and arms from x255 to x265
- there's a visual sticky thing going on with the SR arm from x260 to 265, where the forearm goes up in screen space but stuck on a rail, following the red lines I drew while the rest of the body moves around and on top of that you have the wrist rotating up; the wrist stands out because the forearm is so locked in that move

- this is a note I've made before and if you feel strongly about keeping it that way that's fine, but I think the last pose would be more balanced with the tail on the right side

With her leaning to the left, having the tail mirrored to the right feels a bit better; you had versions where the tail moved around and at first there were too many moves but now you're down to one and I think you can put one more in there so it ends up to the right, what do you think?

That's it! Down to super picky notes but it's looking really cool!

Cheers
JD

Elena Dae - Cats - Critique

That's very cool, I like it! It's less poppy and more focused, nicely done!

Here my thoughts on it!

- the changes are good, but watch out for excessive twinning now:

and:

and:

and:

You will have to vary the timing and offset the poses a little bit in order to avoid that.

- watch out for the ear flicks (which I like), they are a bit poppy around x275 to 286, and from x292 to 298. The shapes are big, so having them move into another pose within a frame feels too poppy.

- another poppy moment happens after x249, where the SR mouth corner pops back (ease into that stop more)

- shape wise, it also looks like she doesn't mouth the words "make HIM" ... "like IT", it looks like she just says "make" and "like"

- watch out how the SR knee pops up at x268 to 269; I'd soften that a bit, as well as the root stopping at 292 (add two frames of softening)

Hope this helps!
JD

Elena Dae - Cats and Jump - Critique

Okay!

Let's go shot by shot on the cat clip:
Overall it's a lot tighter, which is great, nice job! Here my picky thoughts:

shot1:
- the grip around the neck still needs some tweaking; after the initial pull up it drifts up and down; she wouldn't move the hand up that slowly with so much weight on her, so it's okay to keep it fairly still, but the neck geom really has to stick to that hand to make the grip look firm
- but what I'd do is have her hand and body of the male cat go up like you have it, but then come down a tiny bit; his body stops very abruptly from x25 to 26, where it doesn't go up anymore, and her wrist goes SR, so ease into that stop more and have it go down a bit; imagine you pick up a heavy bag, you wouldn't be able to stop on one frame and the bag sure wouldn't because of the momentum
- her SR hand, after the pull up, seems to float down; you can see how her thumb gets closer to her hips; you can stiffen that arm more, so that the eye doesn't wander there; the focus after the pull is on both their faces, so no movement around it should distract from it

shot2
- his head turn from x98 to 101 is too fast; anim wise it almost pops and the audio doesn't have a quick body move in his voice
- I'd soften the Y up/downs a bit more; he still feels a bit poppy overall (watch for instance the SR hand at the beginning of the shot, lots of poppy jiggles)
- once he's on the ground, his hands don't feel planted, they start sliding: SR hand slides before it moves back (or up, visually), and the SL hand slides after the last adjustment, it feels more like an icy surface because of that

shot3
-  this one felt very similar to the previous version (I must have missed a note from you in the last email)
- both hands still have the broken finger poses
- the SL arm still stops very quickly at x249, after it goes up
- the tail still does a side swoosh too many
- her root is still too high so we loose a lot of her head space when she goes forward
- on her last down the root stops on a linear key
- now at the end her eye direction changes, where she goes first looking SL but now at the end she looks almost center down

I'd look at the previous notes and screen caps for that shot as reference.

The ballet clip is nicely polished now! I only have minor notes:
- the SL arm going up is really nice now, so is the feel after the landing, just watch out for a little pop and one frame direction change at x85, where the arm goes to the left and then suddenly to the right

- the SR arm at x55 would need a little delayed wrist, for a subtle overlap; right now the arm goes up and the wrist goes up, where both end up at x55, but I'd have the wrist a bit more horizontal at x55 and when the arm goes down, that's when the wrist is up like it is on x55

- same thing on x70 among other things: that arm still goes up and kinda stops; make it feel more like the SL arm: arm eases more smoothly into that stop with the wrist pose that you have now, but the moment the arm is stopping the wrist continues a bit to go up so it's less horizontal, which gives it a smoother overlap; and that can transition into the drag once the arm goes down again

- the SR arm stops abruptly on x76; I'd ease into that stop more (not as far down as the green lines suggest, I'm must adding a few frames of ease in after the harsh stop at the red line)

- the SR wrist could drag a tiny bit when the arm goes down around x84

- last thing: when he lands, the head still has an abrupt direction change feeling; it's because on the impact the head moves sideways instead of rotation down to absorb the impact and overlap

Hope this helps!!
JD

Elena Dae - Jump - Critique

The revision looks great! You did a great pass on the knees, as well as the pivots on the feet. That feels very stable now and much more grounded, nice job!

The hands and arms are better, but I'd do another pass in terms of spacing. For instance:

- the SL arm goes up and still stops on a hard note, around x35. You can ease into that stop more but gradually narrowing down the spacing:

- watch the SR arm, from x69 to 71, it kinda locks in space. Let's look at what happened before:

So in the above pic, visually the arm moves up and SL.

Then it visually locks in place, where it doesn't move left nor right, it kinda pivots off the elbow and stays put.

Then the arm suddenly moves down and SR over one frame, resulting in a pop.

During the same spot, from x72 to 73, the head spacing gets funky where it suddenly pivots off of his eye are (step frame through it).

Also, watch out for moments where he lands. You want to introduce overlap in smaller body parts, since they're lighter, so that the movements don't just stop on a dime. For instance, on x77, the SR arm goes down and stops, yet the hand/wrist stops as well. During that moment it could continue down for the overlap and carry over the momentum:

From x77 to 80 the SR arm also feels twitchy, watch out for the spacing there as well.

As a whole, watch out for sections, when you frame through, where the whole body moves as one unit and no individual body parts are broken up:

That's happening from x45 to 46.

Last thing, and that plus the above note, will help with the sticky frames and other spacing issues, watch out that the root spacing is clean as well. For instance, the body moves SL until x49 in a somewhat even distance from frame to frame, but then on x49 to 50 the move to the left is suddenly bigger, then very small to x51, then suddenly big to x52 until x54, where it's small again, etc.

Hope this helps!
JD

Elena Dae - Jump - Critique

Hi,

alright, let's look at the detail work:

Overall it's looking great, I like the timing and all the beats. On a technical side, here my thoughts:

- during most of the clip, the knee area is popping a lot, meaning the legs overextend and then pop into a bent pose; it's happening more at the beginning, until he jumps but it still happens afterwards, like from x83 to 84, where the  leg is fully straight and then pops into quite the bent pose

- speaking of feet, make sure that the foot contact is solid and that the feet don't slide or wiggle; for instance his left foot from x84 to 85 is locked (which could use some push for weight, but let's first fix the sliding), but then from 85 to 86 it seems to pivot off the SL side, but it could be more fixed in the toe area, given how much weight is still on the foot; 87 to 88 the foot suddenly rotates in Y, but not pivot off the toe, but more the middle of the foot, then the rotation in Y suddenly stops and the foot is suddenly fully extended, it then pops SR, then on 91 stops moving SR but pivots again around the middle; the pivot changes from x95 to 103, etc. So all in all, I'd give it another foot pass, to really settle the weight, the pivot points, where is it locked, where is it moving, how's the spacing, any one-frame direction changes to smooth out, etc.

That to me was the biggest part, the lower body region with all foot and leg work.

But following very closely are his arms as well. They do feel poppy as well. So make sure that you check the spacing and arcs as well on those. For instance:

- both arms go down up to x5, but then they stop abruptly, they then remain there and start to wiggle a lot. I know it's from the leg movement and you want some ambient movement in the arms because they react to the legs and root, but it could get smoothed out a little bit.

- more smoothing needs to be done ease in/out wise for the arms; the SL one goes up and stops pretty quickly at x34; the SR one during that time has little stop and goes, but then goes up until x55 and suddenly changes direction to the right, etc.

- given the big size of the hands, make sure that you track their arcs and direction changes, like during this moment:

From x64 to 66 the orientation is pretty much the same as the arm goes up, but then it changes direction and rotates around, given it a flat arc feel

- once you smooth out the pops and soften the root through that a bit, other areas will look better, but for now, just pay attention to the head, as it moves up until x37. It feels like it's a linear key from x37 to 38 and it stops too abruptly. The root up and down is not helping that part, so there might be some back and forth between softening areas and continuing certain moves like the head one here, where you'll have to adjust the stops into smoother moving holds

- the head could have a bit more of a drag from x64 and on, as he jumps; right now the head is in the same rotation from x64 to 65 (up/down wise), looking therefore a bit stiff

- after the landing on x76 the head also seems to move SL and then SR, lock a bit, then SL, etc. which goes back to the whole spacing thing; make sure to really track the whole body, section by section for any wiggles, pops and sudden direction changes

Later one we can look for more foot contact detail and facial elements, but the above mentioned areas need to get fixed first.

Hope this helps!
JD

Elena Dae - Cats - Critique

Alright!

Let's look at the cat clip, shot by shot:

shot1:

black cat



- the SL (screen left) hand has a weird finger pose, where the first two joints are flat and the tip is bent down; it gets to a better shape around x5, where the curvature is more pronounced; I would curve the first two joints a least a little bit at the very beginning to give it a more appealing pose



- when she takes a step forward and comes back up, make sure to involve the hips for the proper weight shifts



- on the entrance, her arm and tail line up, making the silhouette a bit confusing, so I would lower the tail a bit and separate the two


- when the SR arm comes down (with the hand rotating down as well), it stops very abruptly at x16 and moves back SR with the body to around x20. I would introduce a bit more overlap and a softer direction change in the arm, so it doesn't feel like it hit a wall



- the grip around the neck is well done, there's just a moment around x50 where the fist moves SR without the neck reacting to it, making it too loose and soft



-  around the x47 area and on, I would move the SR arm more away from the body for a cleaner silhouette, giving it a little bit of negative space
- the tail moves down and comes to a sudden stop at x31, ease into that a bit more



- on x27 the SR mouth corner changes direction too abruptly over one frame, I'd smooth that out and introduce a bit of an arc in that trajectory as well



- on "like it", the audio feels very tense, yet her eyes feel a bit too sleepy and relaxed; the pose and audio don't work together as much as they could

----------------------------------------------------------

brown cat

- when you step back and forth between x0 and x1 only the eyes and ears move, nothing else; then the body goes up to x5, then to the right in a horizontal way only; it then changes direction up to x9, freezes in that position (when you track the outside right line you can see the spacing issues)...



... until x11, where it pops to the left on x12;  there's another spacing pop on x14; the head then lowers up to x18 but then moves SR in a horizontal way, ...



So all in all, the beginning feels a bit stop and go and would need a closer look at the arcs and spacing.

- when the cat is being pulled up it stops very abruptly at x25 and adds a one frame head move to x26, where the head then freezes; watch out for a nice ease in to that stop

- the jaw moves up and closes no x34, which feels like a very linear stop and key, and the closing path looks very straight; soften that stop and introduce a little arc in that path



- when the body gets pulled up after x51, his left arm feels too locked to the body, I would drag it more

- the fingers on that hand look like they drift from pose to pose from x31 to 51

shot2

This shot is a bit tricky in terms of how the anim works with the sound. The beginning with "Well... I... I... I... know it sounds..." has a very bouncy body and head animation, which doesn't fit the audio very well. His acting also goes from very bouncy and out of control to suddenly calm (from x100 on), with a very fast transition.
The stumble happens during the pause, which is good, but the rest of his audio is still very calm and doesn't sound like he just recovered from a big stumble (and it anim makes it look big).

My recommendation would be to stick with the essence that you have around 118:



He is very submissive and bows down, which fits his character and audio. So instead of lots of quick bounces and a stumble, I would have him walk backwards and continue that "I am your servant." attitude. If you really want to keep the stumble, then I would make it a lot smaller and subtle, so that it fits the audio better.

Shot3



- watch out for the SL wrist at x220, it flips over within two frames, which feels a bit poppy and isolated, plus the finger poses could be more appealing (avoid all those broken lines)

- the SL arm stops too abruptly after x249 and I wouldn't spread out the fingers too much, they feel very spread out, but also pointing away; you want to retain a sense of a curve





- I would lower her tail so that it ends up lower than the arms, for a cleaner silhouette



- Here's another problematic hand pose on x230, where the thumb base seems too far out, the pinky is pointing away from the palm and in the middle you have two fairly straight fingers. Overall, I'd do another pass on the finger poses. This post has a round up of many great reference sites:
http://spungella.blogspot.com/2012/03/hand-pose-reference.html



- then around x247, when the SR hand goes down, make sure to mask the IK hand. When the arm is pivoting, yet the wrist orientation stays the same, then you got an IK red flag jumping out

- the root comes to a very sudden stop on x270 when it goes down, feels like a linear key



- watch out that we don't loose the eyes, the head is really hugging the top part of the frame

- I would keep the tail in the SR half, from x254 to 272, and not swing to the left and right. You want to focus on the face at this point and having a big tail swoosh by in the background is a bit distracting; you can still have an accent in the tail with a little whip movement, just more subtle

That's it for now! Hope this helps!!
JD