Saturday, September 25, 2010
Lukas Niklaus - New York - Critique
The shots are getting better and better. Let's go through them one by one in more detail. Here my suggestions:
- Soften the lips after "up". From x47 to x48 there is a big shape change, but from x48 to 49 there is no change except in the jaw. This gives the "p" in "up" too much emphasis, which is not reflected in the audio.
- watch the SL guy towards the end where the hand holding the cup starts to drift down. It feels more like a drift than an intentional move. Since we're shifting the attention to the girl, I would not have him move at all besides some tiny keep alive so that the audience doesn't get distracted
- this might just be me but it feels like the eye dart ending on x18 going screen right has then another slow move screen left right afterward, which I would take out. If you have a big eye dart going one way and then immediately going back it feels like a bounce, which is weird for eyes
- the girl's eye dart from x47 to x48 is a bit big, it feels more like a pop. I would also delay it by a few frames. We're looking at the guy, then he looks over to her, so the audience follows his look and by the time we get to her she's already done that eye dart. So just delay it a bit and don't have the eyes travel as far
- I would delay her eye actions to x132 so that there is a little beat after New York; right now the eye darts feel a bit rushed and the pauses between each dart is very similar in timing
- I would soften the head stop at x159 so that only the beginning is harsh given her "swallow"
- as you mentioned the fingers need some refining but it's pretty close. I would adjust how the hand stops around x180 so it's not so clean and abrupt - and when the knee goes screen left around x257 it feels like the knee goes first without influencing the fingers
- you could move the guy a little bit more screen left but it's not a deal breaker
- his left hand move up around x326 to 330 is a bit fast, especially at the end how it stops; a fast move like that is a bit too contrasty given the quiet delivery of the line
- you mentioned that you liked the head turn as it is; I still feel that it is a bit too arc-y and fast on the up, but if you feel strongly about it then that's perfectly valid
Almost there! Nice work!