Saturday, September 11, 2010
Lukas Niklaus - New York - Feedback
Animation aside (which looks good btw.), there's a confusing feel in terms of screen direction. It's technically working, but there's a weird feel of having her look screen left at the end, but then shot 3 has her screen left and him screen right. It could work if you just flop the last shot so that she's on the right.
Acting wise, I feel like the delivery for both characters is pretty sad and subdued. So when she's saying "I grew in New York..." and then swallows before "and I moved to L.A. ..." it feels like she's having a hard time saying those lines (both physically and mentally), yet the way you play it out with her look up after "New York" (a frame counter is needed) she smiles, which feels odd, given the tone and feeling of the audio. I would keep it more serious and take that smile out.
The same thing for the guy at the end. His "Yeah I know..." is not exactly happy but you have him smile, which feels weird as well.
I would have her eye direction stay within the left field (so on New York have her look screen left and not screen right - same thing on "... married but... ". You still have a lot of room on the left for different eye darts, but I think overall visually it will be clearer. Unless you have her look screen right but down, so it's about her thoughts and not eye contact with the guy.