Sunday, August 7, 2011

Roman Kobryn - Kill - Critique

Very cool! It's really coming together!! Here my thoughts:


- there's something linear either in his chest or root at x121 to 122, when the body goes up and then screen left; I'd smooth out that transition more; actually, during that section, he seems to lean over to his left, but then his left leg gets off the lower window/balcony thingie, so he would be unbalanced, yet he raises the leg to x123 and then not much more until around x130. So this looks more like he's leaning over to his left, to then push off the left leg which makes him lean back to his right, so in that case, I would keep the left leg where it is a bit longer, like around x135 and don't have any up movement from x120 to 125
- eye closing at x106 feels even in timing
- on "HIM", could add a little bit of eye brow movement, where they move towards the middle, just a bit, for a little crunch; subtle, but it would add a touch or tension
- this could be nothing, but watch out for his left hand/forearm going through his back from x47 to 80


- the "Jesuit" part looks great!
- after "rebel", I'm not too sure about the upper lip being so high. I like the idea of keeping the mouth open, but when I watched the clip for the first time, that part felt weird.
- "both" you could push the "B" shape (curl/roll in the lips more) and the "TH" shape; you want to show a separation between the "O" moment and the "TH" moment, so "O" will have the mouth corners further in, so that it can relax out a bit on "TH"
- "Him" needs curled in lips as well; nothing crazy, but just like the "B" moment, there needs to be a difference between a default closed shape and a lips pressed together shape
- lastly for "Man" and "me" the same, but a tiny bit, more subtle than the previous shapes, but all for contrast

I'm sure you're aware of it, but just in case, make sure to color his eye balls white and give him a different shirt. :)


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