Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Raluca Feresteanu - Dragon - Critique


video

Hi,

here my notes:

- there's a sudden slow down in its forward path after the wing flap; yes the flap would slow it down, but the transition would be smoother:


- same thing when it slips and falls down; the root has a sudden drop but that feels more like it's being pulled down than gravity:


- the crawl up feels too even and the movements could be more complex; a frantic scramble with feet slipping would have a nice feeling and good contrast in timing:


- finish the arc you start; dragon pushes off but then suddenly moves down, resulting in a weird and flattened arc:


- the landing is too soft; the flaps are not big and fast enough to really slow down the descent; looking at the drawing, your Y curve flattens out too much and with the current flaps, your curve should more like the curve on the right; a good mix inbetween with stronger and faster flaps (and more of them) would be the ideal solution:


Hope this helps!
JD

Friday, March 1, 2013

Ji-Hong Kim - Bee - Critique

Hey,

here my thoughts:

First shot:
- you're not quite framing the way I suggested it, which leads the staging to a weird focus to the middle of the gray background. You'd have to pan the camera to the right and tilt up a bit, so that we are clearly following the bee (maybe you have to extend the shot a bit so that you have two clear beats of showing the environment and the conductor and then the bee enters and we are following it):


 2nd shot:
- the feet feel very simple and more in layout stage from x47 to 79. They can change poses during the flight and then adjust to get ready for the landing.
- the landing feels too simple; I know bees are light and there wouldn't be a crazy compression, but some leg adjustments and tiny steps will help; it will also help to get out of that default shape where right now on x79 all legs are evenly spaced

3rd shot:
- good

4th shot:
- given that we just zoomed in, you'd think that the bee is reacting immediately to the discovery of the flower: that's what the zoom in does; right now you're emphasizing the flower but cut to a bee that is still looking around and then suddenly seeing something. You can rearrange the shots though to make it clearer.

So the top clip is the original and I just took the flower close-up and inserted it into the bee close-up, between the looking-around and realizing-what's-there moment.

video
video
 
- bee face wise, the mouth shape, wings and head feelers are a bit even and they could be more asymmetrical, don't mirror the poses:

5th shot:
- it's overall pretty great, the only tweak would be when it gets up until around x324. The orientation of the bee body is always the same. There is a sideways tilt at the end, but given the perspective and axis, we can barely tell. You could rotate it clockwise so that the head and chest go up a bit more:



Hope this helps!

Cheers
JD