Saturday, February 11, 2012
Lukas Niklaus - Bottles - Critique
The side step around x59 feels a bit too "animated". It looks like a very distinct side step, like there is a big purpose behind, it draws attention, but I don't know acting wise why he does it. If that's his nature, then I would establish it from the start, so that his walk and the way he comes around the corner is immediately telling the audience, "I'm this guy who makes broad movements because I'm having an awesome morning". Which could work with the ending, because all the stress forces him to take smaller steps, because he doesn't want to get noticed, so there would be a good contrast between the beginning and the end.
BUT, from a technical point of view it's much better. There are no harsh direction changes or pops, so that's working very well.
Watch out for x143, we are loosing the pupils a lot. Even if it's correct in 3D space now, you can cheat and bring the eyes closer to us, so that we see the pupil better.
Around x198, when he lunges forward, it still feels a bit off, it feels too "animated" bu not character driven, plus he's looking up and moving forward at the same time. Sorry, I should have mentioned that last time. So you have two beats going on and I think it could be clearer. As I mentioned in our previous email, think Mr. Bean, how would he move forward? What's your guy thinking right now? That move only tells me that he's moving forward. I don't know if he's cautious, or trying to be quiet, or still not too worried about it, etc. Imagine him getting up on his toes to look first, to see if the coast is clear, no forward movement, then he shuffles quickly forward, trying to be quiet and slowly lowers himself, while the head is countering and still looking above the cubicle wall to make sure that no one is watching him.
The shuffle when the bottles are falling looks great, I like that a lot.
Around x405, I would put in a bit more emotion when the bottles crumble again. Right now he just walks away, but you could give us one more glimpse into his character. Is he just panicked, is he also embarrassed, does the noise freak him out, etc.?
The last walk/run behind the wall, I would add contrast by varying the height of the head. So he's the way you have him, maybe a bit higher as he walks, then he stops, hears the sound, and the last walk/run, you could have him much lower, like he's visually really trying to hide, so that there's more of a visual contrast between those sections.
Hope that helps!