Hey,
I like what you did with the beginning! Her arms crossed as she walks up to the ice is a nice pose.
Once she prepares herself for the ice, I'd tone down the SR arm on x72:
... and not got out so far. By having the arm not so far out it gives you room to go to the pose on x87.
- when she's steadying herself, I'd bring up the wrists more, like on x160:
... to give it more of a "careful" look/pose, instead of having her hands just hang down. If possible, I'd also scale down her hands by 20%.
- watch out for linear timing, like from x137 to 170. To me, at this point, she'd be a bit more careful and her straightening of her back would be slow, but still with more contrast in timing. Right now she looks down and moves up in a very even and robotic way. She can start slow and then ramp up a bit, so you'll give contrast to the overall pacing. Remember that your blocking has to clear in terms of ideas, acting and timing, not just showing the poses. How long it takes to go from pose to pose tells us how she feels. A quick straightening tells us she's in a hurry, or got scared, a slow straightening could mean she's careful, or tired. But if you make transitions to even, then she'll feel like a robot.
- the big slip from x195ish to 247ish has her head pretty level. I'd vary the head orientation to gradually have her more out of control, by having side to side tilts and bigger up/down rotations
- on the last drop, I would exaggerate the arc and give her more hangtime after x250:
... right now, she arcs back and then suddenly drops down
- once she's on the ground, I'd pause a bit longer while her eyes are closed:
... her face could be in a lot of pain. So hold that for a beat and then the ice cracks and THEN she opens her eyes
What do you think?
JD
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