Meghana Gupte - Plane - Critique

Hey,

this works a lot better, nicely done!

The instructor stopping the kid moment works well, it's all clear and you lead the audience the correct way, nicely done!

The ending jump/throw is a good question, hahaha! Technically, at x307, that C curve should go the other way, but I know what you mean... hmmm... Imagine you're inside the plane, holding a flower in the middle of the stem. You extend your arm through the door into the open. What would happen to the flower? It would get get bent (top and bottom) screen right (assuming that in your shot the plane flies right to left). So maybe approach it that way. He gets thrown out and whatever is outside of the plane gets blown to the right?

In your shot his whole body goes forward at the same time. So if he pushes him, maybe the chest and head go first, with the hips dragging and the feet dragging even more, so that all those separate sections get blown screen right one after the other. You can send me the file and I can block something out to make it clearer.

My biggest concern are two poses though.

One is at x105. The hands together like that with the black gloves, we loose the hands and silhouette wise it's not so clear. Same thing with the pose at x241 with the hands back. on that one, squint. It looks like he has amputated arms. So that whole idea is not going to work from that angle.

The breaking up of the actions of the idea around x48 works better, but something is still bugging me, sorry!! Maybe it's how exaggerated the action is for such a small jump? Like on x48 the legs are fully stretched out, then when he compresses, at x52 his hips are pointing screen left, his right foot as well, but his right knee is pointing towards us, but then the whole left leg and foot is pointing way screen right? Something is just odd about this whole move. Sorry for being so vague, I wish I could pin point it better. Id' be okay with him going frmo x39 straight to x70 and then 77, cutting out that whole jump.

Maybe that's what it is. Contrast wise you would go from him standing at the edge, crouched over, then getting straighter, adjusting his belt, moving back, gesturing and then going for the jump! So there's a gradual build up in his movements and THEN he gets cut off by the instructor. That has a nicer feel than going from him being at the door and suddenly doing a jump!

Open your clip in quicktime and cut out frames 41 to 68 and you get the idea.

Try that and let me know what you think!

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

​​

​That looks awesome! Nice work!

Let me go shot by shot:

shot1

dino:
- could have tongue in the middle (between the upper and lower jaw
around x26 when Tiny pulls it open)
- tongue stops a bit quickly at x36, it could be a bit looser after that
- not sure what the controls look like, but it would be cool if there
were any toe curls; for instance, at x26, the top leg/foot is completely
flat on that frame and it would be cool to have the toes curled down for
a nice shape

Tiny:

- watch out for isolated body movement, like his upper body from x5 to 9; it starts and stops abruptly, doesn't affect the hips too much, head is locked in with the body, etc.

- hands look a lot better, but the screen right one seems a bit wiggly from x8 to 23; I would tighten that part a bit more and watch out that the jaw doesn't move underneath the hand, like from x19 to 22 (it will kill the feeling of a tight grip)

- the head could have a bit more overlap after x34 to 42; when he slams the dino down, the body moves down and then sideways (screen right), but the head feels a bit too locked in with the body her as well

Raptor:

- I would reduce the amount of up movement at the end; it goes up over two frames only and in the next shot the head just goes screen right in a horizontal way; reduce the up by at at least 50% and have the head a bit lower in the 2nd shot, so that it can travel up a bit, bridging the movement more over the cut

shot2

- the raptor's arms are too locked, twinned and not moving at all :)

- right after the raptor bites the shoulder of Tiny goes up and it's too early, there's only one frame of contact point, so it's like Tiny reacts before the pain and surprise can really hit him; I would make it more about the bite and then about the reaction; right now they both happen at the same time, give them each a beat

- I would make bite points more solid; for instance: on x59 the lower jaw is on the biceps, one frame later on the elbow, then on biceps again, but then jaw opens, then stays locked again; so all in all too wiggley visually

- the head just goes up and down in one axis, it could have sideways motions as well so it's a bit more complex and contrasty

shot3

- Tiny should be more in pain and angry around x81, during that whole moving-screen-left section he feels almost bored; needs more intensity

- same thing for his right hand, too casual, and same for his whole left arm; just everything feels too casual and needs to get pushed towards a feeling of pain and rage

- raptor's arms are too stiff and not offset, the tail has pops and could be more active as well

shot4

- raptor arms too stiff

- silhouette of legs could be clearer after x136

- left raptor leg pops up at x130 to 131

- right foot is too frozen after x132

- raptor head stops screen left momentum too quickly after x131 and changes direction and stops quickly all through into x137; watch out for your spacing and arc

- raptor body reacts at x140 (or anticipates?) Tiny's grab at x142; I would keep the raptor dazed until Tiny grabs him

- raptor head pops at x158 and on the way up I would close the jaw, it's too locked right now

- Tiny's right arm goes back and stops abruptly at x139; the wrist on that arm also stays locked in the same rotation

- his right hand/arm intersects the raptor at x157

- Tiny's left hand goes through the raptor neck at x143 and on the way down to x158 is way too wiggley and not holding the raptor's head firmly enough

- watch out for the arc of Tiny's head; it feels a bit locked to the body and therefore inherits a lot of the quick direction changes; for instance the head moves screen right up to x160 and then straight up, so watch your spacing and arcs for the head

- Tiny's right foot after x136 has the shin low, then it moves up as the leg gets stretched out at x141, but the foot and ankle feel locked and it should react to the leg getting stretched (add a little foot roll?)

shot5

- Tiny's punch at the end is a bit fast; the forward move could be a bit slower, which will slow down the chest as well; the head is too locked to the body during the punch

- the raptor legs feel a bit stiff, same with raptor arms, the head feels too fast and wiggley

- this shot feels the roughest, but the idea is there, just slow it down so it matches the feel and style of the previous shots

Sorry it took so long! Usually I critique one shot, so 5 take a bit longer. :)

Cheers

JD

Alessandro Chirico - Stand and Sit - Critique

Hey,

that's a really good start, I like where you're going with this!

Here my picky notes:
- on the up, there could be a more refined timing approach so that you have her a bit slower going up at the very beginning until around x31 and then she uses her legs to push off and the timing of the up movement gets faster.
- on the down I would slow down the beginning as well, then ramp up the speed and then either get faster until the touches the chair (not a hard plump, but pushing the contact more than what you have now), or you have her go down and then slow down around x80 for a few frames, like a little pause, and then have her drop her butt onto the chair (but here as well you should have a harder contact moment)
- her hands on the thighs feel more constrained on it than actually using the arm for a push off or stabilizing. I don't buy the weight of the arms onto the legs
- watch out for her right arm at x39 how it is overstretching
- her wrists suddenly rotate after x39 to 42 and then stop (her right arm is still overstretched at that point); I would give that turn a more natural feeling; right now it feels like a computer rotation without purpose
- overall the body rotates down and up in one axis and it would be cool to have more sideways rotation, like she's leaning a bit; that will help you with the little step she takes after x47; that step feels to isolated in the leg section, with no root or hip movement for balance and weight shift
- her right foot slides back at the beginning and that slide is a bit simplified, so in your next pass you could add a little Y rotation to it as well and maybe TINY side to side tilt
- watch out for the unnatural movement in her right wrist after x65 until x72; the arm bends and the wrist turns back, which is a weird move
- her body and head feel too connected as one unit after x16 when she bends down to around x25; it would be good to break up those movements; same on the way up
- as you introduce a bit more side to side movement (translate and rotate) in the body, it will also affect her head in those directions for balance

Alrighty, hope that makes sense!
JD

Meghana Gupte - Plane - Critique

Hey,

alrighty, let's get straight to your questions:

1) Right now it all looks stationary......so to give it a feel that they are in a plane.....would just a camera move be fine or I need to show some movement for both the characters......i tried giving the instructor some of it but I think he looks like he is in a bus/train..?.

1) A combination of multiple things could be cool. Think "The Incredibles" when the mother is on jet plane with her two kids. You could have a couple bumps (like air pockets) but it might add too much complexity. I would parent the guys to the plane and have the plane roll side to side (gently, randomly) and add some tiny up and down. That should be enough.

2) The jump towards the end..........right now i am still working on it but ..is it ok if he comes close towards camera as he is falling down?..or what i thought was maybe he could intially come towards camera and then move screen right due to air resistance?....I wasnt very sure how exactly might be his fall...

2) I wouldn't have him come directly to camera because there is not much perspective in that and makes the move flat. I would have him go towards us but also one body width screen right. And yes, he should only come out until his body is completely off the plane and then he should swoosh out screen right super quickly. Make it cartoony, push the timing, he should off screen in 5 frames or so and you can can totally exaggerate the stretch. Think Road Runner. :)

Other than that, there are some funky things going on, let's go one by one.

First, it's a lot better and I like the implementation of the light and how the teacher goes about it and throws him out.

What I think needs a bit of tweaking is:

Red guy:

- on x78, his screen left shoulder looks like it's dislocated. The grey ball should be where the white patch starts, but now you have the white rings and then the red area where the shoulder is. This gives it a really weird silhouette

- at first I didn't know what the red guy was doing at x102 and on. I'm assuming now he's holding on to the chute like a back pack, where the straps are? At first I thought it was a weird boxing type of thing he was doing, to pump himself up. :)

- the jump around x48 is also a bit off, but maybe that's because of his shoulders. Maybe it's also because he lands and does the arm gesture at the same time. Clearer separation of beats might work better.

- when the instructor holds his arm out is good, but I would tweak it this way: instructor arm goes out - pause - red guy looks screen left at the instructor - audience's eye follows - we look at instructor face - he looks at the kid - then looks up at the light - audience sees the red light - everything makes sense - kid does what you have now which is a big move so that the audience looks back at him. That way all the story beats are clear and you direct the audience around, making sure that nothing is confusing. You can fit all of those beats within the timing you have now and keep the red guy's reaction at x212. If that doesn't make sense, just send me your file and I can mock something up to make it clearer.

- the throw out could happen a few frames earlier. I think the current pause is a bit long, but that should be an easy thing to fix and tweak down the line.

Hope that helps!
Cheers
JD

Edward Seager - Dog - Critique

​Yeah, that 210 body reaction is too fast (good eye).

And I'm not really feeling the end of the dog, sorry. Hmm... And given how much he exits frame at 218, I would move the camera screen right as the guy kneels down, so that the framing is more leaning towards the right overall. So on x218, the guy wouldn't be in the center, but one body width screen left (hope that makes sense).

For the dog, what if after the 360 he gets back to something like x187, but butt on the floor, wagging his tail, mouth open, tongue out, panting, happy face?

Let's go note by note:

shot1

- dog is done! Nice job!

​ - guy head rotation needs more pushing, so that on x26 he's less 3/4 with his face towards us, more more profile, to really break up the head from the body; it still feels a bit too much like one unit

- not sure if that was there before (if yes, sorry for not seeing that earlier), but there's a head/body pop in the middle. Look at his screen left nostril as a reference point starting at x23. It goes up and left until x25, but from x25 to 26 barely left and even less up, from 26 to 27 not left at all but only up and much bigger than from 25 to 26; 27 to 28 goes left again, yet 28 to 29 suddenly to the right; 30 to 31 it's not going up at all anymore but only down after that until x33 and from 33 to 34 it barely goes down anymore. So all that in real time gives it a poppy feel

- that's it!

shot2

-his left arm seems to move down and the wrist rotates up from around x57 on but comes to an abrupt one frame halt on x66, that needs some softening

- watch out for the screen left forearm, it starts to evenly rotate clockwise from x144 on until x169. Either give that more purposeful movement (so it's not so even and robotic) or take it out

- on "hat" the eyebrows still feel too high, I would lessen that by 50% again

- good job on the rest of the notes!

shot3

- I don't see the jaw out on "you"

- from x222 on the head and body are too in synce and moving as one unit, loosen that up by breaking up the head anim

- on x205, watch out for angular shapes like on the dog's front right paw. There should be an ankle adjust controller, so that you can smooth out that line so it doesn't look so broken

- the guy bringing down his arms with the hat looks better, but I would slow it down at the end. It's good how it ramps up, but then go slow again, otherwise it feels like he's slamming the hat onto the dog. :)

- nice job on the ankle ambient movement, that's great polish stuff!!

Getting better and better, good work!

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - camera adjustment

Here's the previous camera, where I thought that some of the cuts weren't clear enough. When framing back and forth between the cut points, it looked like some of the shots were too similar.

So here's my take on the camera, which has small tweaks, but I was trying to make the cuts more clear by giving the shots a different focus.

Saberi Knakon - Never - Critique

Here my thoughts:

- that arm still feels to IK-ish in it's movement; with such big movement, there would be more falloff in the shoulder and chest; both areas would react more to the arm doing all the moving

- the screen left arm gets into a pose and then sticks there throughout the rest of the shot

- her finger pointing feels more like she's trying to stab the person; so that move combined with her locked left arm feels more like a fencing pose and move :)
I would look at

www.guilhermejacinto.com/

and watch the creampuff (work-in-progress) shot. There's always a clear silhouette in the left guy's arm. And with her, in your shot, the elbow is mostly pointing away from the audience, giving her a stump arm if you do the squint test.


Looking at the above image, the forearm just ends with her fist and no elbow or forearm for most of the gesture.

Also, her chest is very rigid and mostly vertical. Same with her head. You can rotate the body back a bit more as she winds up and then do a reversal C curve on the point, so it's really in-your-face and less stiff.

- On "never", the movements could also a be a tiny bit snappier, so there's more connection between her voice and action. Her current gestures feels a bit soft and doesn't match the intensity of the voice.

- Same goes for her face. On "should' it could be more squashed together, with squintier eyes and a bigger expression on "never", so that there's more of an antic and release.

Hope that makes sense!
Cheers
JD

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

Hey,

That's working better and the anim is coming along nicely, but the cut between shot 2 and 3 is still weird. You're going to have to find a different angle to show the action in shot 3.
The last shot's camera is also weird, I would not have any movement on it for now. You can still put something in later, but right now, that camera has a weird back and forth. Personally, I would have the camera the way you have it on x155 until x164, then delete all the camera keys except the last one on x194. That way the camera goes down until 164 and follows the action, and after that slows down and goes wider until 194.
Anim wise you're doing doing really great. The only thing that stood out are the raptor's arms, which don't seem to have any anim on them yet.

Picky stuff:

shot1:
- Tiny's hands could be a bit more locked to the jaw and the fingers need to have a more tense pose, they don't look like he's struggling and really pulling on that jaw/head.
- Tiny's screen left ankle/foot looks too locked, it needs a bit more reactionary movement as the body shifts around
- Tiny's mouth could close around x19 because of the muscle tension, then open the mouth after x25 so that there's a roar/yell during the head slam.
- the brown creature's screen left leg moves to the left in a very IK way and then just stops and sticks.
- the creature's back left leg goes up to x17 and then stops too quickly.
- the tail needs to be a bit more complex and wavy. Right now it's just going up and down as one big block.
- after the head slam the limbs on the creature just stop moving; that head slam should ripple back through the body so that the legs still wiggle and move after the head slam

shot3:
- Tiny's left arm feels too dead, it's just hanging there
- is the raptor head sliding from x72 to 76 or is that a re-grab/re-bite?
- raptor head pops from x90 to 91 into a new direction; stops too quickly on x94, pops screen left on x96; stops too quickly on x97
- Tiny's right arm moves too fast on x107 to 109, feels like a pop, then it just stop on x110

shot4:
- raptor right foot step on x135 and on feels too much like a slide
- raptor head goes down and stops too quickly on x135
- when the raptor gets lifted up, the tail could hang more loose, say on x153 it wouldn't be curled up to the right but hanging more down (it's also going through the ground at the beginning)
- Tiny's feet are too lose, they rotate around too much during that shot; I would buy it if the screen left foot is not rotating ever, since it's the one with a lot of weight on it; the screen right one would have to take more of a step at the end of the shot as opposed to the rotation and slide that you have right now

shot5:
- his punch needs one or two more frames of inbetweens, it's too fast
- Tiny's right foot plant should happen right after the punch and not at the same time, otherwise it feels too in sync and twinned

YEAH!!

Edward Seager - Dog - Critique

Let's go shot by shot:

Shot1

-the dog is 99% done. Last thing I would do during his scratching, is to have the screen right brow a bit lower, and the eye a bit squinty

- for the guy, some picky stuff: his left hand/arm goes screen left until x37 and then it moves to the right over one frame; keep it going to the left

- I would rotate his head a bit from x24 on so that it gets to x38 a bit earlier. Right now the head and chest move together too much and it would be great to loosen it up a bit more. So if you move the head a bit earlier it will break up the movement a bit more.

- the screen left elbow is a bit hiccup-y. Look at how the elbow tip goes from left to right until x24, then it kinda stays put for a frame, then to x26 it goes to the right again, then it stops again at x29 until 31, then it goes to the right again, then stops again. So track that tip for smooth spacing

Shot2

- his left arm goes up until x49, then back down on 50. Those one frame direction changes are too harsh, smooth that part out.

- x39 to 40 his hat arm goes down quite a bit, then 40 t0 41 is small, 41 to 42 is small, etc. etc. So that first frame is a bit too big and feels like a pop. You can have the arm at x40 a bit higher, at x41 a tiny bit higher, so that the transition is a bit smoother.

- on "saw", around x86, I would accent that word with bringing up the eyebrows a bit

- around "hat' I would bring the eyebrows lower by half so that it's a bit more quiet before they go up again at the end of this shot

Shot3

- on "you", you could bring out the jaw and mouth shape for "oo" more for a bigger silhouette change

- when the dog jumps off to his right, I would keep the paws on the ground a tiny bit longer, so that you show how he pushes himself to the right a bit more

- the ending look and wiggle with the butt feels a bit off. The pose and silhouette feels muddled. You could have it more profile so that there is a clearer view on the body and legs.

- the guy's movement of how he puts the arms down with the hat feels a bit even in timing, a bit too robotic

- watch out how the body stops going screen right at x236

- when the dog jumps the guy doesn't really react to it. Around x209 it would be good to have at least the head follow the dog's path

- detail thing: his right foot, the part sticking out right above the frame is totally locked once he kneels down. Would be good to get some ambient movement on it

Hope that helps!
JD

Elvi Husen - Jump - Critique

Hey,

that's really cute! And it's looking good! So my notes are going to be a bit more picky. :)

- when he bends down at x1044, he goes right up at x1045. I would have 1045 a tiny bit lower than 1044, then 1045 a tiny bit higher than 1045 and then have him jump. That way you don't have a linear direction change and a bit more anticipation.
- looking at his right arm from x1049 to let's say 1057, it's moving with the head, as it's one unit. I would have a bit more delay and overlap in that arm, so it's not so in sync.
- both feet pop a bit from x1052 to 1053 (the spacing before that is much smaller)
- the right foot's arc could be smoother from x1053 to 1057
- the head goes down starting at x1058 and technically I would have it go forward after his feet touch down, so that the impact makes the head go forward. If it's part of a special move, you could have it start at 1060, but I wouldn't do it earlier.
- the head comes to an abrupt stop at x1063 (look how the head goes a tiny bit up at 1064), I would ease more into that
- the head and arm move at the same time from x1078 to 1079, I would offset them more
- same thing happens at x1083, the head stops to abruptly and the hand stops at the same time; I like the moving hold, but just ease more into that stop
- the axis of the head going down and then later up feels the same. When the head goes up, it could go a bit more sideways as well, sneak in a little head turn, so it feels more like the poses go from A to B and then to C, and not from A to B and back to A.
- the head stops at x1128, as well as the staff, so the same here, I would offset the different body parts and props and ease into it a bit more.
- same thing after x1148 when the body, head and staff moves, offset it a bit more
- the yawn hand movement in the 1220 area is also a bit too repetitive. The hand rotation feels like it's going from A to B and back to A.
- the head does a linear direction change from x1247 to 1248 and both arms are locked with the head as one unit during that until x1249; same here, offset things a bit so that it doesn't look so blocky.
- on the nose swipe, you could have the head move in Y a little bit with the finger, so that the hand is affecting the head a little bit and it will take the frozen feel out of the head as well

Picky picky! But looking good!!!
JD