Monday, October 24, 2011

Ya-Shu Chang - Dino fight - Critique

video


​That looks awesome! Nice work!

Let me go shot by shot:

shot1


dino:
- could have tongue in the middle (between the upper and lower jaw
around x26 when Tiny pulls it open)
- tongue stops a bit quickly at x36, it could be a bit looser after that
- not sure what the controls look like, but it would be cool if there
were any toe curls; for instance, at x26, the top leg/foot is completely
flat on that frame and it would be cool to have the toes curled down for
a nice shape

Tiny:

- watch out for isolated body movement, like his upper body from x5 to 9; it starts and stops abruptly, doesn't affect the hips too much, head is locked in with the body, etc.

- hands look a lot better, but the screen right one seems a bit wiggly from x8 to 23; I would tighten that part a bit more and watch out that the jaw doesn't move underneath the hand, like from x19 to 22 (it will kill the feeling of a tight grip)

- the head could have a bit more overlap after x34 to 42; when he slams the dino down, the body moves down and then sideways (screen right), but the head feels a bit too locked in with the body her as well

Raptor:

- I would reduce the amount of up movement at the end; it goes up over two frames only and in the next shot the head just goes screen right in a horizontal way; reduce the up by at at least 50% and have the head a bit lower in the 2nd shot, so that it can travel up a bit, bridging the movement more over the cut


shot2


- the raptor's arms are too locked, twinned and not moving at all :)

- right after the raptor bites the shoulder of Tiny goes up and it's too early, there's only one frame of contact point, so it's like Tiny reacts before the pain and surprise can really hit him; I would make it more about the bite and then about the reaction; right now they both happen at the same time, give them each a beat

- I would make bite points more solid; for instance: on x59 the lower jaw is on the biceps, one frame later on the elbow, then on biceps again, but then jaw opens, then stays locked again; so all in all too wiggley visually

- the head just goes up and down in one axis, it could have sideways motions as well so it's a bit more complex and contrasty


shot3


- Tiny should be more in pain and angry around x81, during that whole moving-screen-left section he feels almost bored; needs more intensity

- same thing for his right hand, too casual, and same for his whole left arm; just everything feels too casual and needs to get pushed towards a feeling of pain and rage

- raptor's arms are too stiff and not offset, the tail has pops and could be more active as well


shot4


- raptor arms too stiff

- silhouette of legs could be clearer after x136

- left raptor leg pops up at x130 to 131

- right foot is too frozen after x132

- raptor head stops screen left momentum too quickly after x131 and changes direction and stops quickly all through into x137; watch out for your spacing and arc

- raptor body reacts at x140 (or anticipates?) Tiny's grab at x142; I would keep the raptor dazed until Tiny grabs him

- raptor head pops at x158 and on the way up I would close the jaw, it's too locked right now

- Tiny's right arm goes back and stops abruptly at x139; the wrist on that arm also stays locked in the same rotation

- his right hand/arm intersects the raptor at x157

- Tiny's left hand goes through the raptor neck at x143 and on the way down to x158 is way too wiggley and not holding the raptor's head firmly enough

- watch out for the arc of Tiny's head; it feels a bit locked to the body and therefore inherits a lot of the quick direction changes; for instance the head moves screen right up to x160 and then straight up, so watch your spacing and arcs for the head

- Tiny's right foot after x136 has the shin low, then it moves up as the leg gets stretched out at x141, but the foot and ankle feel locked and it should react to the leg getting stretched (add a little foot roll?)


shot5


- Tiny's punch at the end is a bit fast; the forward move could be a bit slower, which will slow down the chest as well; the head is too locked to the body during the punch

- the raptor legs feel a bit stiff, same with raptor arms, the head feels too fast and wiggley

- this shot feels the roughest, but the idea is there, just slow it down so it matches the feel and style of the previous shots


Sorry it took so long! Usually I critique one shot, so 5 take a bit longer. :)


Cheers

JD

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