Saturday, July 16, 2011
Jessica Gamio - Marry - Critique
The clip looks better and better! I like the acting changes you put in a lot. Her pose at x67 is great.
The main and only thing actually I would change, is his look after his line. At x208 I would start to have him look to the door and turn his head as he reaches for the door. Right now his stare towards her is so long, it almost becomes comedic. You want to keep it in the condescending/arrogant/confident range. The furthest you could push it is to have him look until around x221. I thin anything beyond that is kinda forcing it.
Besides that, the rest seems locked to me, so I would go ahead and start working on refining the timing and the transitions between poses. For instance, and this might be obvious to you since you're working on it but I'm just mentioning what I'm seeing:
- she moves the box screen right out of her other hand right within the first two frames of the shot; you want to generally avoid introducing big moves or changes or single story points during the first 6 to 8 frames and last 6 to 8 frames of a shot. At beginning the audience has to soak in the overall impression of the shot (who is here, where are they, what's going on) and if there's something important happening right at the beginning, the audience will miss. Same for the end. The audience is comfortable with the shot and if something big happens right at the end, it will feel like a pop and just confuse the audience.
So in your case, I'd have 7 frames of the pose you have on x1, hold that for a bit, then start the move of her giving the box to the guy
- watch out for global moves like from x41 to 45, where the whole body moves. It's too stiff, you'll have to break it up between the head, chest and hip area and slow it down.
- same for the pose she strikes around x67. I like the pose and facial attitude, it's just happening too fast, especially when you listen to the audio. She sounds much calmer, so that quick move feels disconnected from the audio.
- watch out for stray keys. It looks like she's drifting to her pose around x122; same from x206 to 301, where her eyes drift screen right. With her just standing there, it's all about her facial expressions, as she listens to the guy, processes what he says, pretends to be unfazed and then breaks down. You want to see in her face how she's thinking through all those stages.
- her move from x349 to 355 is also a bit too fast, but then her facial pose doesn't look too devastated, so it's a bit unclear what the end is supposed to mean. Is she just breaking down, is it an angry throw down of her arms, etc. Just be clear about her emotions
- for the guy it's mainly his stare and from a technical point of view, watch out for pops like around x227 when he gets the door handle. Also make sure that the contact point will be solid, so that his hand is not sliding off the handle.
- the walk out is a great opportunity to show character. Right now it's a bit default-y. Do you want him to just stroll out? Or should he be more evil confident? Or just relaxed and confident? Think about the character and how he feels at that moment (victorious?) and try to portray that emotion in the walk.
Hope that helps!